Commentary — 28 June 2011

Yes, Bristol Palin’s “memoir” has been out for a couple of weeks now and it

Bristol Palin

has taken this long for Mo’Kelly to stop laughing at the idea that any 20-year old, best-known for a crazy mother and out of wedlock child has penned her life’s highlights.

But after calming down and breathing into a brown paper bag to cure the subsequent, horrendous bout of hiccups; it became time to look more closely at the situation.

Sometimes the media misses the real story. Although there has been considerable conversation about the night Bristol allegedly lost her virginity thanks in part to a wine-cooler induced stupor, there’s been little about the reality that having sex with any person while incapacitated qualifies as date rape.

And then there’s the other pack of 8,000lb. pachyderms thundering toward the middle of the room.

Bristol is now profiting through profiling her “life,” stories of illegal, underage drinking, a high school diploma at the ripe old age of 19 and “abstinence advocacy” in the wake of an illegitimate son. This is neither a cautionary nor mildly entertaining tale. It is a glorification of social underachievement of the worst order.

Rewarding dysfunction only ensures that others will seek to follow in her stumbling footsteps.

In other news, Sarah Palin has quit her bus tour halfway through, similar to how she quit the Alaska governorship and (given Bristol’s comic book), parenting…halfway through.

Winning a nobel prize as a teenager is a worthy starting point for a memoir at age 20. Losing one’s virginity via an unwise interlude with Bartles & Jaymes and Boone’s Farm is not.

Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far; the title is as pretentious as its likely contents are insipid.

If we turn around and check the tote board, Bristol has “bravely” survived her first 20 years to garner a later-than-usual diploma, pushed out a son and implicated her baby daddy in date rape; parlaying it all into Dancing with the Stars and the aforementioned 36pt. typeface, pop-up book.

Mo’Kelly didn’t check to see whether Dora the Explorer wrote the foreword but rumor has it…

Those of us who still live in the real world are still trying desperately to forget Bristol Palin. We try to forget her and here she comes with this color-by-numbers tome in the hopes of never being forgotten.

If you’re wondering why this post is so short, it doesn’t take 500 words to review the life and times of arguably the most irrelevant and unqualified author of a “memoir” in literary history.

Special thanks to friends Brian McGovney and Ronald Jones who contributed to this post.  For their efforts, Mo’Kelly will be sending them crayon-autographed copies of Bristol’s life leaflet.


The Mo’Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant; published at The Huffington Post and For the most recent posts of Mr. Mo’Kelly, visit  Mr. Mo’Kelly can be reached at

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Morris O'Kelly

The Mo'Kelly Report is a syndicated politics and entertainment journal. Visit for the latest from Mr. Mo'Kelly. Tune into The Mo'Kelly Show every weekend. Saturdays and Sundays 6-8pm PST on KFI AM640. Contact Mo'Kelly: Mo ~ at ~ TheMoKellyShow ~ dot ~ com

(1) Reader Comment

  1. Why is this girl….or anyone in that family, being given national press? It boggles the mind.

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