God bless Sarah Palin.

She is the gift that keeps on giving, the Sunday comic strip that keeps adding frames the following Monday through Saturday and the wind beneath Mo’Kelly’s wings.

God bless Sarah Palin and God bless America.

There are some days when it seems all is lost; that the general public seems altogether confused as to whether the Republican party is bereft of common sense and intellectual honesty. Then along comes Sarah Palin, like any Law & Order episode in its 53^rd minute to set the record straight. Every single day, Sarah Palin is as dependable as Kaopectate and ADA Jack McCoy.

Every single day, the former governor of Alaska and former Vice Presidential candidate offers up inappropriate, inaccurate and/or ill-conceived commentary, embarrassing herself and subsequently anyone who has ever publicly supported her or read ONE history book.

That means you, Tea Party. That means you, Grand Old Party. That definitely means you, Wasilla Sunrise Rotary Club.

God bless Sarah Palin.

Mo’Kelly hopes and prays for Palin to declare her candidacy for president in 2012. Instead of rebutting Democratic policymakers with economic theories such as blaming Sputnik for the collapse of the Soviet Union; Palin can engage in pointed primary debate with fellow Republican Mike Huckabee on “family values.” In fact, one or some of the prostitutes her husband Todd “allegedly” consorted with can be interviewed for post-debate reaction.

“Alleged.” Mo’Kelly did say “alleged.”

Maybe daughter Bristol will be on her way to birthing illegitimate child #2 and working legitimate job #1 by this time.

Maybe…just spitballing. There are innumerable possibilities here. You just have to approach this with an open mind and trust in the train wreck that is Sarah Palin.

As opposed to engaging in partisan debates with inappropriate phrases like “Blood Libel,” against the backdrop of the actual bloodshed in the tragedy in Tucson, maybe Sarah Palin can debate “economic policy” with Mitt Romney. We all know, Palin can see Alaska First Bank & Trust from her backyard.

God bless Sarah Palin (her impending presidential campaign) and God bless America.

If that weren’t enough, maybe we could have Palin and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann square off in a white, padded rubber room in the shape of an octagon. The combatants could duke it out for the title of who is less crazy and thus more unfit to serve as the titular head of the Tea Party. Instead of throwing punches, they could throw out the most incendiary, hateful rhetoric at each other, usually reserved for Democrats and implied garden variety minority groups. We could even break out Tina Turner in that sexy Beyond Thunderdome outfit to referee.

If it ends in a tie, we’ll bring out celebrity judge Mel Gibson to assess which of the combatants managed to be more anti-minority, anti-immigration, anti-gay and anti-Semitic overall. Why Gibson you ask? Well…he is an authority. Name someone else with as many qualifications and (former) star power…

Didn’t think so.

Let’s give credit where credit is due. Not only that, the whole Beyond Thunderdome motif works better with Gibson and Turner working together in tandem. See the bigger picture folks. This is about ratings and PPV buys. Gibson is the logical choice. Somebody get publicist Alan Nierob on the phone and make this happen.

watch?v=3hQC3nkftrk

But Mo’Kelly digresses. God bless Sarah Palin.

Or how about this…

Imagine a “Lightning Round” primary debate between Palin and former

Gov. Tim Pawlenty

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty over the methods to improve the American educational system. Gov. Pawlenty could lay out his Minnesota Academic Standards program and Palin could “refudiate” it with the fact that she can see Wasilla High School and 12 of its teachers from her backyard. Or she could follow it up with the fact that Pawlenty attended one university and received two degrees, and she attended some six colleges to receive just one.

That’s only assuming the score was close down the stretch. If she was really behind on the scorecards, she could imply that Pawlenty is a “closet Nazi” given his German descent. Yes, when all else fails, appeal to irrational fear and illogical associations when your opponent is intellectually superior and supremely more qualified. That surely went over well in 2008.

How hilarious would it be to see the underwhelming Palin political machine flailing away at fellow Republicans with its unsharpened intellectual tools?

That’s worth at least $54.95 on PPV and an evite invitation to 37 of your closest, even moderately-educated friends to come over and watch.

Please Sarah Palin, get in the race for the Oval Office. What will it take to make you spend some of that $1.3 million already in your coffers to take this Republican variety show on the road…but this time with you as the featured attraction? Tell Mo’Kelly what you need and it will be done. Just get in the race.

America needs you Sarah…just in the way that laughter is good for the soul. God bless Sarah Palin and God bless America.

The Mo’Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant; published at The Huffington Post and www.eurweb.com. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse…as well as entertain. For more Mo’Kelly, https://mrmokelly.com. Mr. Mo’Kelly can be reached at [email protected].

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